To hijab or not to hijab?

I stumbled upon an amazing and intelligent debate about the Quranic scripture as it relates to obligatory wearing of the Hijab... both people in the debate have strong feelings on the matter but more importantly, they reveal some of the arabic translation and historical context from the followers of the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH). No matter our bias, culture or traditions, the Quran serves as the foundation for all Muslims around the globe. We should seek first to understand our roles and responsibilities from the Quran before our culture or traditions. First step is to create a baseline, then add to that baseline with cultural norms and societal traditions.

What do you think about the exchange below?

Happiness and peace

My life's twists and turns have led me all over the place. From terrible lows to wonderful highs. As I deepen my spiritual self, I begin to appreciate the simple truths my grandfather gave me. "Don't sweat the small stuff laddybuck, and there ain't no big stuff." The words seem goofy and awkward as a teenager but the profoundness of it doesn't hit me until much later in life. I have thought about it at length and decided that while it's definitely true, it's true with caveats. After just 33 years in this world and an immense amount of growing still yet to come, the truth about life and happiness is a fluid concept for me. So today I will share my concept of happiness and how I think anyone can find peace.

First, there is no magic spell or quick easy steps to make life make sense. All too often I see in an age of technology and a generation of convenience the hunt for the magic solution. Well, there is none. Happiness to each person can look different...

Whether it's the stereotypical leave-it-to-beaver looking family or just being alone on a beach with a good book, each person finds peace and happiness differently. So this brings me to my first point:

1. Let go of expectations...

I think of expectations as living in the future, living for tomorrow, putting your mind and heart into something that isn't here and may never be. How often do we think about how we want something to turn out only to be deeply disappointed it didn't happen that way. We are literally setting ourselves up for sadness and resentment especially if that expectation involves a significant other. I will sometimes fall back into this trap and have to catch myself when it's happening. We can still be excited about things and look forward to things but it's important for them to be without qualification. For example preparing to return from a deployment overseas and being excited about holding my wife and children. A person with expectations might add to that a fantasy of romantic evenings with candles or well-mannered kids running up to hug you. Spouses may envision their husband playing with the kids in the backyard, while she finally gets to take a break.These fantasies are like a stipulation to your happiness. If it doesn't go that way, we get disappointed and may even take it out on our partners.

Which leads me to my next piece of advice, which is to

2. Let go of regrets...

This one is much much easier said than done, but definitely worth the effort. For some it takes a lot of prayer, meditation, self-reflection and time to get there but eventually we get there. Regrets for me is like living in the past, living for yesterday, giving our time and energy dwelling on that which we can never get back again. No matter how hard we try, that decision we made, that thing we said, that relationship we lost, will never come back. And when we make peace with that, you won't even want it to. When something terrible happens in our lives, part of the coping process is to deal with the pain. Some people replay the scenario in their minds, some people stare at a photo, listen to a song or something else that reminds them of what is gone. But what they don't realize is that with each moment that ticks away, we are making a new mistake, we are letting another opportunity pass by. We are giving our present, to the past. We are giving the now, to our yesterday. This is the reason forgiveness is so unbelievably powerful, because it gives you freedom to take back the present. Think about that. You were losing days, months or years in regret and once you forgive, you regain today, the opportunity to do something good and the chance to be happy again. Forgive the person who hurt you or forgive yourself. Forgive not because it was earned; forgive because you deserve to be happy. We all do.

3. Live for today!

I know, I know. Cliche sounding right. But it's true. I use a simple mantra to help me personify this one and it goes "Be the best version of myself, moment-to-moment." Basically, whenever you're faced with a situation, imagine what the best version of you would do, then just do that. If someone is begging for a dollar, if someone cuts you off in traffic, if someone you love cops an attitude with you, if you start getting frustrated with someone at work, and so on and so on... all life's little crazy situations will come at you and we're not always gonna get it right. But we can be ourselves in those moments and the best version of you is more often than not a pretty spectacular person. Just try to be that person, moment-to-moment, as often as you can.

And this leads me to the last piece of wisdom that I've come up with. And that is...

4. Don't forget to grow...

Over time, we get busy. Busy with families, busy with work, busy with finances or relationships or school or whatever. We get too caught up with our goals to take on personal growth. Our spiritual needs require attention too. Through prayer or meditation we can reach deeper into that part of ourselves. But just as importantly, deep spirituality should be exuded, it should beam off of you. You shouldn't have to say a word, you shouldn't have to quote a single scripture and you certainly shouldn't have to judge someone else's deeds. You can understand that you have reached an inner peace when your actions are the living embodiment of your beliefs. Your morals and values are only as good as the actions you take. If you pray long enough, anyone can feel deeply holy and more devout than thou. When you get up and start acting out those beliefs, helping others, giving to the needy and guiding young people, that's when your faith has an impact. By all means read religious books, read self-help books, recite prayers, just also remember to use your example not your words as the standard of measure to the value of your faith.

I, like you, am still growing and learning. And I know that it will never stop. But I honestly feel a huge emotional and spiritual shift this past few years as I've placed more emphasis personally on the example I show to others. There will be people that may come along and try to impose their expectations on you, their judgement on you or try to control you with guilt, pain and abuse. If you notice that all the above advice was pointed at you helping yourself. Those people have to do the same. You can not heal them, they must heal themselves. Your example may help them along that path, maybe not. This would be an example of not placing expectations. You can forgive someone and distance yourself from them at the same time. Letting go of regrets and treating them with dignity and love without being close. Being the best version of yourself may mean not being close to someone who still needs to find peace for themself.

That's all I have for now... well all that these 33 years have given me. Who knows what tomorrow may bring.

Untitled Poem

Untitled

The light that shimmers off a river at night, follows me... follows me... to the left and the right.

If I lower my gaze or stare as I stroll, it follows me still as the waves slowly roll.

By Marc Lemere

The Balance of Life and the Hereafter

The Balance of Life and the Hereafter

This Ramadan I have delved deeper into what it is to be in this world and to live for the hereafter. I suppose it is not uncommon to live in the now and drink in each experience as it were the last. And in this example is where I seek to find my balance.

I have prayed deeply to gain understanding on what my purpose is here and to be given the direction needed to find my path, all the while enjoying life, friends, family and living in the moment. There is wisdom in living in the moment because none of us knows when our life will be over. I understand the beauty of coming to peace with the uncertainty of each day and taking in the good as it comes. I have also witnessed the destruction that can be caused by not heeding caution and allowing the whims of each moment to cause irrevocable consequences. No matter your religious beliefs, as humans we all live and learn and grow.

My faith has drawn me into a deeper connection with God through meditation, cleansing and giving. The more I seek to improve this connection (Iman), the more peace I find and positivity resonates. In Islam, a singular focus on serving God is achieved by lengthening the time and depth of your Iman. For example, I cleanse and pray for the morning. Then by avoiding sin and remaining as peaceful, loving and giving as I can for as long as I can, I have felt that connection remain unbroken. A pious person, such as a priest or nun, is in effect doing the same thing. These examples of Iman have one flaw, us. As humans we are constantly derailed from seeking God by the sins of the worlds we have created. No culture I have witnessed is immune and appears to just be a human condition. "Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves." (Sura 13:11)

So this brings me to the point. The balance of living in the moment and living for God (focusing on your Iman). I strongly believe in the hereafter and believe as most Muslims believe that we do not know until the day of judgment whether we will go to Heaven or Hell. The world around us, the job we go to everyday or school we attend, the friends we socialize with or things we do for fun... the things that take up most of our time. How much of it is for God? And if not for Him, how much of it is as He wants for us? Think about that for a minute. In arabic, the world you have made for yourself that is not for God is called "Dunya," or a "deceptive enjoyment." (Sura 57:20) The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said "The love of the world (dunya) is the source of all error." The focus of increasing your wealth, stature, or position are all diversions from what He truly wants for us. The boastful, pompous part of our nature, the need for social acceptance overwrites that which we know is wrong or sinful. And this is where we must find the balance.

Love the life you've been given. But remember this is all a test with outlined rules. Keep God in your heart and love your neighbor. Enjoy the beauty that He has created but do not be consumed by the diversion man has created. That is the balance.

Christianity Vs. Islam

I converted to Islam in November 2011 and immediately began to measure the differences in how each group shows their faith. I searched my own heart for what it is I truly believe in and why am I here. Reaching to the bottom of my soul, I returned a single answer: I love God and want to live for Him.

I asked several Pastors, Chaplains, Imam's and the like for the difference (in their opinion) between Islam and Christianity. The most eloquent answer was "Christians go to heaven for their faith, where Muslims go to heaven for their deeds." The person who said this meant that Christians believe that their faith in the sacrifice of Jesus for their sins, accepting him as their personal Lord and Savior permits them to everlasting life. Muslims however believe that nothing besides God's mercy on the day of judgement will permit someone to Jannah or heaven and by our deeds we will be judged.

Christian belief references: Romans 10:9; John 3:16; Romans 6:23
Muslim belief references: Surah An-Nisaa 4:57; Al-Hajj 22:14


So, I ask myself, what does this mean to the everyday person? What does this mean for the guy working at the grocery store or the single mom working the double shift? In modern times, here and now, what does this mean for us?

Example 1, Helping others:
Helping others and giving out of charity is important in both Religions and each has a lot of information about your responsibilities on the topic. Real world examples are endless but more often than not, this is something that is forgotten as if it were irrelevant. For instance, if you see a homeless person on the street, it is your "Christian walk" that may lead you to help him in some way. But a Muslim would feel a need to help out of charity or Zakat, one of the "5 Pillars of Islam."

Christian Reference: Hebrews 13:16; Matthew 25:35-40; Luke 6:38
Muslim Reference: Al-Maidah 5:2; Al-Baqarah 2:215

Example 2, Sin and Repentance:
In Islam a sin is something you know is wrong, but you still do it anyway. Therefore a person can not sin until they can consiously make this decision (which starts usually around puberty). For most Christians this is also held true, but the difference is daily life. A muslim feels no guarantee to enter heaven, where most Christians repent in Jesus' name and immediately understand that they are forgiven. So a daily life example, would be binge drinking every saturday night for a young person or secretly longing for a married coworker for an older person (both sins). But it's ok, because I go to church on Sunday and sing the loudest and put five bucks in the offering dish. "Again, when a wicked person turns away from the wickedness he has committed and does what is just and right, he shall save his life." Ezekiel 18:27 The catch to this verse is the turning away part. If you have a friday night tradition of going to the clubs or strip clubs to take part in debauchery, then your repentance for those sins was not in earnest. You never turned away from that sin like a child that says sorry and then reaches to make the same mistake. Christians will say "we all fall short of perfection" or "let he who is without sin cast the first stone." But what about personal accountability. Reflection on your sins in order to prevent making the same mistakes. Would YOU forgive you?

Christian Reference: Acts 2:38; Romans 3:23; Mark 16:16
Muslim Reference: Al-Zumer 39:53; An-Nisa 4:146; Al Furqan 25:70

A love poem for my wife...

"I Could"

I could say it in a million words,

that you turned around my little world. 

Struggled with the pain and strife, 

and even gave us brand new life. 

I could show my love in things I do, 

or in just the way I look at you. 

I said it on a bended knee, 

when I asked you to marry me. 

I could yell it out across the land, 

or show it just by holding hands. 

Run your bath or rub your feet, 

just to show what you mean to me. 

I could look like a fool for you, 

in front of friends if you want me to. 

Stand on tables in front of them, 

and talk about my Karicim. 

I could hold you when you need to cry, 

and grow old together by your side. 

A million words or just a few... 

I say it all with "I love you." 

by Marc LeMere, For Funda LeMere

My Karicim (kah-rih-jim, turkish for wifey) 

Facebook Relationship Rules

The 15 Official Rules for Facebook and Relationships

1. Keep The Past Hidden: With social networks, we tend to over-flaunt relationships with others and when beginning a new one, it's best to delete photos albums featuring old flames to prevent jealousy and move on from the past.


2. Clean Up Your Image: We all have those photos where an innocent party really looks unprofessional to the naked eye. To present a clear image for your new relationship, spend an afternoon deleting/cleaning up your Facebook profile.


3. Manage Your "Friendship Boundaries": Just because you've added a special someone to your Facebook profile as "a special someone" doesn't mean you should immediately add all of their friends as a way of introducing yourself. Let public meets do the talking and not an obsession with social media.


4. Stay Away From Exes: To the Facebook world, an end to a relationship also holds the second meaning that those involved are "finally single". Constant interactions with new singles will be seen by others and it's best to be seen as supportive, not desperate.


5. Refrain From Bullying: Bullying an ex is the same as a bully tormenting another kid their age on the playground. It's unnecessary and this case, should be avoided as its considered a juvenile action that can create issues and insecurity within your current relationship.


6. Re-evaluate Your Profile Picture: Is your profile picture a bit too racy or unprofessional to be respected? Being in a relationship now means that you have to maintain an image in front of your partner's friends and maintaining a positive one can help build a connection long-term.


7. Practice Self-Control: Facebook can be a rumor mill that slowly launches fights among social groups and some are bound to brew because of your new relationship. Know when to pick your battles and when to shy away from social drama as most conversations of this nature are not needed.


8. Limit Your Profile: Want to keep a safe relationship on Facebook without any interferences or attacks? Try limiting your profile to the point that tagged photos don't show up at the wrong times and exes or jealous friends don't post hurtful messages on your wall.


9. Don't Take Social Media Too Seriously: There are social media addicts everywhere but it doesn't mean you have to be one too. Trying to control every little aspect of your Facebook profile or others is a bit much and will make it seem like you're a bit out of touch with your actual social life.


10. Keep It Natural: On an daily basis, there isn't a need to bombard your Facebook wall or the homepage of others with numerous posts about your day. This can make you appear lonely and bored which can alter a relationship and your friendships significantly.


11. Keep Intimate Messages Private: There isn't a need for your whole network - which may include teachers, bosses and parents - to see your private messages to the person you're currently dating. Keep them private or keep them off Facebook.


12. Enjoy The Real World: Instead of keeping your relationship to a status on a social network, further your connection with someone in the real world, going on dates and adventures that can bring the two of you closer together.


13. Don't Pretend To Be Single: If you're in a serious relationship, you shouldn't be looking to keep options open because if things get too personal, you could hurt those that are actually single and looking for love.


14. Don't Make A Status Official Until It Is: There have been numerous horror stories about couples finding out that their relationship status changed without caution thanks to Facebook. If you are ready to start a new beginning or end another chapter, make sure it's official.


15. Display Creative Affection: Some relationships do undergo difficulty because a lack of public affection and smaller creative actions such as regularly holding hands and leaving little sincere love notes can counter that for the better.